Dear Comrade Fatah,
We hope that this letter finds you well, and that you have not been the victim of yet another round of vicious twitter and facebook spamming from the Islamofascists and their left-liberal allies in the "lamestream" media.
We listened with great intent to your recent diatribe:
We truly do live in dangerous times, comrade, and they are only going to get worse. All of us have followed with unceasing attention your recent talk and must commend you on your courage in exposing the Muslim Brotherhood's infiltration of the White House. Who knew that the conspiracy had reached this far. Clearly those, unlike us, comrade, who warned that this was what Obama was all about were right. We were his willing dupes, and we feel slightly better to hear that you too, ever vigilant as you are, were fooled. Sadly, the only news outlet to carry the story of this fifth column operating in the highest political office of the world has been Fox News, a tiny oasis of truth in a sea of white, liberal guilt masquerading as "tolerance". Let's see how tolerant they are when al'Qaeda terrorists are raining bombs through downtown Toronto, destroying the CBC building on Front St that the useful idiots in the left-wing media use to push their multicultural values on us.
The old left that you were a part of would've never stood for this. Think of the kind of left we had in the 1930s, faced with the sort of brutality we see today. They would never even have waited for the Canadian Army to go to war. They would've reformed the Mackenzie-Papineau Battalion and launched suicide attacks at all those homophobic, misogynistic, fascist, religious nutbars. And then, after they wiped out Charles McVety and the Wildrose Party, they would've gone overseas and taught the Taliban a thing or two about "tolerance"... with a C7 rifle.
We know, brother, that if we rise up against the Christian fascists, when we stand in solidarity against the American Taliban, you will be there as well....as long, of course, as we can afford your speaker fees.
Alas, that old militant left is nowhere to be found. If they're not out somewhere calling on Israel to not bulldoze Palestinian homes, they're wallowing in materialistic decadence. All they ever seem to go on about is money. Why, listening to these so-called "intellectuals", you'd think that the biggest problem facing Canada is the $600 billion in mortgage debt that the government will have to cover for the CMHC when the housing bubble collapses. Some of these "leftist" stooges of the Islamofacists actually think that fighting around poverty and austerity issues, or trying to stop the creationists and pro-life folks that have infiltrated our parliament in the Conservative government is a priority. Obviously, we need to make sure you reach a broader audience to show that the REAL problem is a minor bureaucrat or two being hired by Obama. This will, indeed, bring down the foundations of our freedom.
For our part, we've tried to convince them of the gravity of the situation, but to no avail. Just the other day, a friend related to us a story, about how a Muslim woman in full Niqab managed to renew her driver's license at the Ministry of Transportation simply by asking to be served by a female attendant. This is how it begins: first, they came for the Ministry of Transportation attendants, but one of us does not drive, so we said nothing. Next, they asked to let them have two hours to pray on Friday, but we sat on our asses surfing the web, so we said nothing. Then, they opened a Falafel shop in our neighbourhood, and there was no one left to stand on the corner with us and chant pro-Canada slogans... well, no one except a few neo-Nazis, the JDL and Hindu fascists, but it's also so awkward standing with them - they still have a problem with our Marxism.
We don't know what to do anymore, Tarek. Prudence says that we should simply move up north. One of us has a friend who can build an underground bunker about 50 miles north of Kenora. Most Muslims have probably not acclimatized themselves to the cold yet, so we should be safe there. We plan to stock-pile on canned food, ammunition and have our own solar powered generator so we can survive indefinitely when the caliphate is declared. Until then, Comrade Fatah, we stand by, your loyal readers, your faithful comrades in arms. And when someone says that every Islamic person is just a damned Quaran thumping, alcohol hating terrorist in training, we think of you and we say: "Hey! Think about Comrade Fatah"
Yours, in revolutionary solidarity...
& Comrade Al Frankenstein